I'm not really sure what happens late at night when I'm really truly exhausted but can't sleep and just feel the urge to get on the computer and type, type, type... rambling, nonsensical giberish. It’s like my need for sleep has shut down the part of my brain that separates the sane from the crazy. The perpetual "acid trip" thoughts take over and I find myself writing things like "life is this yellow beam of sun you can taste on your tongue every time you laugh.” Seriously? What IS that?
It’s like word vomit... or worse than that. My mind picks out four pretty words and arranges them in a sentence and says, “Oooh, that sounds pretttyyyyy. Write that down. You’re a genius. The next e.e. cummings." And I actually write it down! My fingers listen to the crazy in my brain and then the words are there scrolling across the page in Word and then I SAVE it!
Once I wake up in the morning, refreshed - the correct walls and barriers and blockades re-enforced in my brain - I re-read my "genius" works.
Yikes. Scary.
"I am nothing and everything and my skin is screaming and gasping for air." - WHAT. IS. THAT? When did I turn into an emo weirdo?
So hear this all my friends: My greatest wish is that no one ever, and I mean NEVER, EVER, EVER, NEVER reads my journal of late night ramblings. If, God in heaven forbid, I were to die unexpectedly, you are instructed to BURN said journals. Torch the suckers. Destroy my computer. This shit cannot get out. Thank you.
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