Typicality

“I’ve always believed that you were meant for an atypical life.”

Someone told me the above the other day. I like it. I've never wanted to be typical.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The typical life is a beautiful thing about who we are as a people. It's foundation and core and society. But maybe it’s not meant for me. I’d love to have kids. I’d love to get married and share my life with someone. But maybe, maybe there’s something else.

Maybe I’ll be atypical. Maybe I’ll spend my days holed up in a little corner of this Starbucks, watching people come and go. Maybe I’ll be one of those people, sipping foamy dark cappuccinos and clacking in heels across the tile floor. Maybe I’ll leave tomorrow and head out on the open road, wind in my hair, stereo blasting some appropriate indie song. Maybe I’ll stay. I’ll fall in love and then fall out of love and cry myself to sleep and then laugh about it all later. Maybe I’ve already met the man of my dreams. Maybe I never will. Maybe I’ll sit and listen to the same song over and over again on repeat, wishing those words had been my own. Maybe I'll spend my entire life waiting. Or moving. Or singing. Or writing about other people. Maybe one day someone will write about me. Or write me a song. Kiss me under the stars. Hold my hand. Introduce me to his parents. Maybe we won't get married. We'll travel and talk and make love and dance and never settle. Maybe I’ll spend an entire day with my toes in the sand, salty sea air curling my hair in waves around my face. Maybe it will all come true. Maybe faith will be rewarded and love will be returned and smiles will be exchanged. Maybe I’ll survive. And laugh through it all. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I will be typical. I’ll get married. Have children. A dog. A cat. A minivan. Maybe I’ll be blissful. Maybe the earth will just continue turning. Maybe none of this matters. Maybe all of it does.

Maybe there are possibilities that can't even be comprehended.

Maybe I just want to fall into this endless pool of maybe, float in lazy circles over the water, languid and relaxed, eyes shaded from the sun. Even just for a little bit...

Maybe.

Current Music: Finish Line by Fanfarlo

In Which Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from Saved by the Bell

After watching Rachel Maddow (and let me just say now that I want to BE her when I grow up) tonight I'm a little overwhelmed by the feeling of utter helplessness I feel over this whole oil spill crisis. Well, hopelessness mixed with total blackout inducing rage would actually be a more apt way to describe how I feel toward it right now - but tomay-to, tomah-to.

And I can't help but wonder, didn't we learn this lesson already?

Let's go back shall we, way back to a simpler time when problems were solved in hilarious fashion and under 30 minutes, back to circa 1990...

Zach Morris and his friends are playing baseball or football or some kind of sport (because every single character on that show played every single sport - seriously, I think there was even a gymnastics episode) out on the field and there’s apparently a pond nearby and a wayward duck ends up being beened by a ball. Because he’s Zack and he’s awesome, he takes the duck to the science teacher for help. Oh, and it just so happens that he and his friends all have the same science class together (and every other class for that matter and I really wish high school had been more like that). The classroom also suspiciously looks like the same room where they have math and history and sometimes practice white water rafting (remember, that episode with Mr. Belding's cooler younger brother and how we knew he was cool because he had long hair and wore jeans?).

So the science teacher helps Zach take care of the duck while simultaneously giving a lesson on biology with a bunch of other little animals that they’ve taken from the nearby pond. And of course Mr. Belding wanders into the classroom (Did that guy ever work? I seriously never saw my principal unless I was at a pep rally) and it turns out that he recognizes the duck as Becky (named after his wife) a duck that he likes to go and feed at lunch (Mr. Belding is truly the most tragic character in this show).

The second plot line of the episode starts when Slater runs into the Max covered in oil. But why?! Well it turns out that they struck oil! On the football field. Yeah, okay.

So suddenly the school is rich and the students start having delusional fantasies about what life will be like in a rich fancy Bayside and it pretty much involves them not going to class anymore and dating supermodels and suddenly speaking in British accents or something (I might also be thinking of that episode where they think they're going to get rich off making friendship bracelets). And of course the only person that doesn’t like this is Jessie. Cause she’s a freaking buzzkill.

But then the duck is healed and the students take all the animals back to the pond and we all know what’s going to happen now. Queue Slater once again covered in oil because there’s been an oil spill and everyone rushes to the pond to save the animals but it’s too late. So Zach's got Becky in his jacket but she’s covered in oil and clearly dead and everyone cries. (I think this special episode was even more special that that one where that famous guy offers Kelly pot and Screech finds a joint in the boys bathroom and they all flip out, as teenagers are wont to do if they find a joint in the school bathroom, and then Brandon Tartikoff comes and films a commercial with the gang where they teach people to say no to dope.)

So everyone is sad and obviously Jessie was right the entire time (because she’s always right, unless she’s taking caffeine pills to stay up and study). And they team up to teach the big bad oil company a lesson and the plan involves Zach spilling oil on a guy (a guy who's wearing a bolo tie and has a Southern accent because ALL people in the oil business are from Texas and wear bolo ties) and explaining to the students that a new fancy Bayside means they won't be able to have class outside under the shade of trees anymore (I only ever had one teacher in high school let us have class outside. And I’m pretty sure it’s because she wasn’t saying no to dope). And of course, they win and the evil oil company goes away and the episode ends with one of their epic six way high fives. Good times.

So what?

I’m not an idiot. I 100% realize that life's problems will never be as simple as Saved by the Bell presents them. Problems don’t get solved in thirty minutes to the dulcet sounds of a laugh track. We can't just say, "We're already a better Bayside/Country/World without the oil so let all drilling henceforth be stopped." But can't we take a little responsibility? Or at least look beyond pocketbooks and the bottom line to see the reality of this planet and the people who have to live and breathe and survive here?

We dig and we dig and we use technology to get more oil faster and from deeper depths than ever before and we steamroll ahead with dollar signs in our eyes without stopping to think of the consequences. How is this okay? How have we let this happen? How have our politicians and fellow human beings let this happen? This is not something for which simple human error is an acceptable excuse. Shutoff valves are broken and fail safe plans don't work all because someone somewhere was trying to cut a few corners, because checking and rechecking takes time and manpower and money. Efforts to stop the spill all fail one after the other because no one knows what to do with an oil spill at this depth. Why? Because that kind of research takes time and money. Efforts to clean up the oil are half-ass, not well-manned and poorly planned. Why? Time and money, time and money.

It makes me a little bit ill.

Hundreds of thousands of barrels of oil pour into the Gulf every day and no one has any idea what to do. The latest reports say that a cap is in place but now it's just "sit around and cross your fingers that it works" time. And all of that is just so maddening. It shouldn't be, "let's hope this works" or "let's throw everything but the kitchen sink at this thing and hope something sticks." There should be a plan. There should be research that is oh, I don't know, NOT outdated and thirty years old.

BP, I want to punch you in the face.

I wish I could be ten years old again; I wish I could believe that all our problems had simple solutions; I wish life was as easy as Zach Morris taught me it was back all those years ago.  Because, it's not. It's complicated and it's frustrating and sometimes I want to run around in circles screaming because, what do we do? Where does this end?

I'm going to repeat what Rachel Maddow said tonight: things need to change. The way these oil companies are run, needs to change. Our politicians need to change the way they do business. If lesson's aren't learned and changes aren't made in the wake of this disaster, then our political system is failing - failing us, failing our Founding Fathers.

So listen up elected officials. Shut your mouths and your partisan, greedy bickering and get something done, do something for the people. And by people, I mean, the people - not the lobbyists, not the corporations  -the people. Because if you can't, well then, I don't even know anymore.

Zach Morris, I need a hug.

A Lost Farewell

It was almost six years ago when I watched the premiere of a show called Lost about a bunch of plane cash survivors stranded on a deserted island. From the very beginning I was captured by the mystery of a place that was home to polar bears, an unseen "monster" and an underground hatch. I was held in suspense during the fast paced pilot, right down to the famous, "Guys, where are we?"

But most of all, there were the characters. Jack and Kate and Sawyer, Charlie and Claire, Locke, Sayid, Hurley, Sun and Jin, Shannon and Boone, Walt and Michael and a dog named Vincent. Through a series of flashbacks we learn about their lives before the crash, their mistakes and failures and loves and losses. We learn that Kate is a accused convict and Sawyer is a conman and Charlie is a rockstar with a heroin addiction and Hurley is a lotto winner.

And through it all - the Dharma Initiative, polar bear cage sex, the Others, explosions and and a crazy French chick, the whispers, the Oceanic Six, a donkey wheel, time travel, more explosions, another plane crash, infertility issues, a button that needs to be pushed every 108 minutes, the numbers, ghosts, creepy creepy Ethan Rom, the return of the tailies, a mysteries source of light, baby stealing, more explosions, the freighter folk, the manipulations of Benjamin Linus, hydrogen bombs, daddy issues, flash forwards, flash sideways, names on a cave wall, the ultimate battle between dark and light, me screaming "WTF, show?!" at the end of every episode - through ALL that, we always had these characters.

Set to Michael Giacchino's incredibly mesmerizing score (seriously, I can't listen to the Life and Death track without wanting to cry) we've been taken on a journey, and I for one am satisfied with the outcome

Honestly, I still don't know the answer to the "Guys, where are we?" question. I don't know exactly what or where the island is. I don't completely understand The Source and the light and what happens if it goes unprotected. I don't know what the deal was between Widmore and Ben or why Walt was special or why Aaron had to be raised by Claire or why women on the island couldn't have babies or why time travel rules don't apply to Desmond and why why why a million other things. And yet, I don't really care. I'm okay with the unanswered questions. In the end, the only thing that really mattered to me was the characters. It was seeing a character like Jack, the man of science, finally finding faith, finally finding something he could really fix and truly believe in.

Maybe it was sappy and cliche  but I loved seeing Claire and Charlie together with Aaron, and Sun and Jim come to remembrance of their lives and Locke walking and greeting Jack like a friend. (Honestly, I think my favorite moment of enlightenment was between Sawyer and Juliet and mainly because I'd been hoping for it since the first episode of the season. I sort of fell in love with the idea of these two characters being in love and probably because we never see either of them as happy as they are when they are together in Dharma Hippyville). It was lovely to see characters like Boone and Shannon and Libby return and all unite in one cosmically beautiful reunion

I've read a couple of reviews from people who seem to think that this episode was implying that all the events from the past six years on the island were in fact some kind of manifestation of purgatory.  I'm sorry,  but if you think that, then you are wrong and you need to go watch the episode again. As Christian Shephard said, "I'm real. You're real. Everything that's ever happened to you is real." The events of the island happened. The characters that died on the island, died. The characters that eventually left the island -  Kate, Sawyer, Lapidus, Miles, Richard, Claire - moved on and lived their lives, however long after that happened to be. And the sideways world was somehow this place out of time and space, call it purgatory or whatever, where they all ended up to somehow be together in the afterlife. And as they slowly came to enlightenment together, they could finally let go and move on.

So that's how I'm choosing to read it. It's cheesy, it's hokey, it's deeply saturated in feeling and faith and heart and know some people don't like that, but it was enough for me, it left me satisfied.

So thank you so Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse for bringing us six memorable years. Yes, there are questions unanswered but isn't that life? Maybe we're not going to all end up on a mysterious island somewhere in the Pacific with a bunch of attractive strangers with daddy issues, but we all go through tests and challenges and struggles. We all experience pain and we all search for redemption. And through all that, the most important thing, beyond the questions and the search for truths, are the people that we love. The people that struggle and rejoice and cry and laugh and live with us. And really, for the characters that I've gotten to know over the past six years, that's all I needed - a closure, a redemptive ending. And for that, for this show and for six incredible seasons, I am thankful.

I'll miss you.

Season Finale Round-Up

I sort of love television. A lot. Sometimes more so than movies. I think it's because I adore characters and learning about characters and watching them grow and change and experience life. And yes, good movies do give us memorable characters. But in television, we get to watch their stories unfold over time, we get to grow with them, we get to turn in each week and wonder what's going to happen.

So yes, I watch a fair amount of television. And that being the case, I've decided that I should talk more on this blog about some of the shows I'm watching, starting with a little roundup of thoughts on my favorite recent season finales. (Yes, I have chosen to start talking more about television at a time when most shows are on hiatus. Whatever.)

Season Finales

Community 

This show sneakily became my favorite show of the season. I've fallen in love with the antics and "weird little relationship" of Troy and Abed; with Shirley as the tough but sweet Christan single mom; with Britta's quirkiness and Annie's intensity and Jeff's snark; and yes, even with Pierce's oddly endearing ignorance. Meta humor abounds (the paintball episode that parodied Die Hard and 28 Days Later and basically every other action movie ever, was absolute epic perfection) and yet, there's a sweetness and a heart behind it all so that in the end you're really just rooting for this entire ragtag study group to always be BFF's 4Life.

The finale spun the typical love triangle drama as Prof. Slater and Britta battled it out for Jeff's affection (all this was interlaced of course with jokes about jumping the shark and the consumption of a giant cookie and men in dalmatian costume and Ken Jeong punching John Oliver in the face with a roll of quarters) but everything got turned on its head when Jeff ends up making out with Annie as the screen fades to black. And yes, I realize that there's supposed to be like a sixteen-some-odd-year difference between Jeff and Annie but I don't care. Joel McHale and Alison Brie have kickass chemistry and those kisses were kind of hot. Plus, their characters just somehow make adorable sense together. I don't expect that any sort of romantic entanglement will ever take center stage on this show but I'm intrigued to see how it will all go down next season.

Spinning, In the Art of Holding On

Hands inch around in steady ticking heartbeats
sweeping away at each moment, tick... tock... tick
A stopping starting endless merry-go-round loop,
up-down, up-down, ceaseless lull,
run full speed, to find the finish line at the start.

... and begin...

rivers of rain droplets slide down a window pane,
as we splash, laughing, through puddles,
and days stretch fingertips into hazy twilight
expand into day and a warm sun beats down,
leaving skin pink and freckled,
the salty sea air singing while sand slides between toes
and falling leaves will fall,
leave bare scraggly branches pointing crookedly to the sky,
as footsteps crunching over paths of golden browns and yellows
step in from harsh, biting, chill with red noses
to snuggle in deep and warm, clutching mugs of hot chocolate
and watch flickering shadows dance over the walls

End...

... And again...

rivers of rain pink and freckled scraggly branches shadows dance

Moments dance and leap frog over each other,
twist around like ribbons waving in the wind, in vibrant hues
of pinks and ambers and violets as music swells
with the steady echoing thump of drumbeats and deep bass,
spinning wildly in twirling circles, arms outspread,
feet dancing in perfect motion around and around
until the whole thing spins away.

Stuck in this wild spin until we fall, we bargain with hands folded,
eyes lifted for another moment, another breath,
swallow it up, store it away - each moment away
a drumbeat, a heartbeat, tick...tock...tick

...to begin again...

For a circle is unbroken, until it's broken
loose ends hanging empty into indeterminate space
Around and around - seconds, hours, days piling up, spilling over
falling fast behind - nothing but time until there's no time left
Until a stillness, roaring silence, useless clock.

Words and More Words

Words are my inspiration. (I find inspiration from many sources but there is such power in a single word or phrase). The following quotes are just a random few of the ones that are currently bringing me much motivation and love.

"But for now we are young, let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we see." 

- Neutral Milk Hotel, Aeroplane Over the Sea

"Every plan is a tiny prayer to Father time." 

- Death Cab for Cutie, What Sarah Said

"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt." 

- Max Lerner

"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." 

- T.S. Eliot

"I wanted a perfect ending... Now, I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." 

- Gilda Radner

"Everything we do is a choice. Oatmeal or cereal. Highway or side streets. Kiss her or keep her. We make choices and we live with the consequences. If someone gets hurt along the way we ask for forgiveness. It's the best anyone can do."  

- Ned, Pushing Daisies

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really 
hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." 

- Conan O'Brien

Here's to remembering the everlasting power of words, and using those words to inspire, uplift and cherish in the week and life ahead.

♥ Shannon

Winter Music Soundtrack

So every season my lovely friend Melissa and I exchange some of the top songs that we've been listening to over the past few months. I like to think of these as little seasonal soundtracks.  It's a teensy bit late but here is my Winter 2009-2010 Music Soundtrack. I've included links to YouTube Videos where you can hear the songs.

1. Intro by The xx

So this song was in that Visa commercial (the one with Apollo Ono) that played during the Olympics. It’s just a little instrumental ditty but something about it struck a cord with me and I had to download it. Now it just makes me think about winter sports.

2. Can’t Go Back Now – The Weepies

I love the mellowness of The Weepies. They are my “fall asleep” music. I find it soothing. And this song is just pretty.

3. 100,000 Strong – Matt Morris           

This is the guy that sang Hallelujah with Justin Timberlake during the Haiti Relief Telethon. I had to look him up and ended up falling in love with a bunch of his songs. I'm always a sucker for new singer/songwriters in my life. Thanks JT!

           

4. Flawz by Caitlin Crosby

This is my uplifting, self-esteem boosting song of the season. If you haven’t seen the video I recommend clicking on the link. It’s pretty cool and includes a quick cameo by everyone's favorite Nerd Spy.

5. Nantes – Beirut

I just think this is a really cool song. I love the French interlude in the middle.

6. Good Ol’ Fashioned Nightmare - Matt and Kim

I'm starting to realize that this might be one of the most upbeat mixes I’ve ever done. And I LOVE this song. It’s upbeat and catchy and totally just in my brain man. I first heard this song on Community, a show that has featured some pretty awesome music actually (some others are featured on this list).

7. Cello Song – The Books (feat. Jose Gonzalez)

I found this one awhile ago going through all my itunes recommendations and I fell in love with it and downloaded it and it further contributed to the way itunes is slowly bankrupting me. But then this past weekend I FINALLY saw The Blind Side and this was the opening song and I was like “Hey, I already know this song!” And then everyone looked at me like I was insane. So... there.

8. Fake Empire – The National

I think The National might be my new favorite band. Their CD Boxer is basically the greatest thing ever and I can’t stop listening. I love, love, love the lead singer’s voice. It a really nice mix of deep and raspy. I actually had a really hard time deciding which song to put on here. I chose this one because it's one of the more popular ones. Their song "Slow Show"- yeah, I pretty much want to marry it and have it's babies.

9. Home – Edward Sharpe

Maybe I’m just too in love with all of my songs this season. Cause, I really want to say that this is my favorite song. I can’t choose! It's just so much folksy fun. And the little talking part in the middle is adorable.

10. Merry Happy – Kate Nash

(Another one from Community) I don’t know what “dancing at discos and eating cheese on toast” has to do with anything but it makes me laugh in it’s absurdity and the rest of this lyrics are fantastic. I especially like, “but you can grow flowers from where dirt used to be. And I like to sing the “do do do da do do” part.

11. New Theory – Washed Out
Eh, I don't know. I can't always describe why I like a song. Something about it just calls to my soul.

12. Horchata – Vampire Weekend

This is one that again feels like a more summery song. It’s a good one to play in the car. It’s just makes everything feel warm and sunny – like I need to be sitting on the beach drinking something pink with an umbrella.

13. Beginner’s Luck – Eels

I’ve always liked the Eels and this is a fun song. Again, upbeat. Usually my music is so depressing.  I like what this song has to say about love being “a ride.” It sounds “beginning of a relationship” kind of hopeful.

14. Relator – Pete Yorn & Scarlet Johansson

I sort of hate myself for loving this song. But I can’t help it. Crap.

15. Song Away – Hockey

No, wait! This is my favorite song! Oh, I don’t know. This is my favorite driving song. I love rolling down the windows and blasting the speakers. Especially when the weather is warm. It makes everything feel summery. Seriously, am I just using the same words over and over to describe every song? It's summery! It's warm! It's fun and pretty!

16. In the Sun – She & Him

I adore Zooey Daschanel’s voice. It’s so old-fashioned and vintage and dreamy. The video to this song is adorable.

17. I Will Live On Islands – Josh Rouse
This song is so fun! And summery! And pretty! Wait a minute...

18. Two Weeks – Grizzly Bear

Okay, so I first heard this song in a car commercial and didn't think anything of it. THEN, I was listening to this song by Childish Gambino (Rapper name of Donald Glover, one of the actors on Community). And what he does is take indie songs and lay them down with rap lyrics. And one of them was over this song. Here's the link to the Childish Gambino song. (It's funny, I don't normally listen to rap but he's really good and I like his stuff.) And I ended up really enjoying the original song. (The video however, I find to be a little creepy).

19. Kiss With a Fist – Florence and The Machine

Totally not advocating violence but I love this song. I like to think of it as being about a couple that just likes to piss each other off. And that’s good fun. This is also another one from Community and the scene it plays over is classic. Complete with Anthony Michael Hall as a gym-rat bully. Click for awesomeness.

20. Not Miserable – Frightened Rabbit

I already talked about this one a few blog posts ago but words cannot describe how perfect this song is. All the crap is gone and while it was painful for awhile, suddenly things are a million times better than they’ve ever been.  Thanks Frightened Rabbit.