he hates me, yet he caught me; man is good

Well, it's that time of year kiddies (Okay, I'm a little behind the curve here but bear with me, I'm recovering from the stomach flu). It's a new year! Time to rehash the best and worst of the past twelve months. Why? I don't know. Because we all harbor a secret fetish for list making? Doesn't matter. Here we go...

Things I Loved in 2010

1. My friends
2. Being single
3. Lollapalooza
4. Community
5. Roadtrips

I'd spend all day explaining why I love all those particular things but I've already talked ad nauseum about each and every one so I don't think it's necessary. Here's what you really need to know: 2010 was a good year.

Yes, a lot of crappy things transpired. People got sick and hurt; my job is on shaky ground; I spent a lot of time being uncertain about things and life and myself; half the time I still do want to just get up and leave and start over BUT, BUT, BUT, life is still good. At it's core, at the center, when everything extraneous boils away, my life is good. And I could spend a lot of time searching through the thesaurus for a word that is less trite but honestly? It works. My life is good. As in, I know good people who do good things and make me want to BE good. I have it easy. I don't know how else to say that.

I began the year wanting to shake off the events of 2009. I wanted to start over and be different. I wanted a change. And maybe from the outside my life looks similar (I still work for the same company and live in the same house and hang out with the same friends) but I FEEL changed. If *poof* the "Shannon of today" could go back in time and replace the "Shannon of 2009" she would do things differently. Of course, I suppose that's why they say hindsight is 20/20. But hey, lessons have been learned.

Things I Did in 2010

1. Dyed by hair brown
2. Got a tattoo
3. Made out with a random stranger
4. Went on a blind date
5. Learned to like sushi

This list makes me sound like a rebellious teenager. And maybe that's what it is. Back in the day I was not a teenager that tested the limits. I've NEVER tested the limits. I am perfectly fine staying safe and secure behind the guard rails of life. So sure, dying my hair isn't death defying and getting a tattoo with my sisters on my 27th birthday doesn't exactly scream ANARCHY but for me? It's a huge deal. These are things that the aforementioned "Shannon of 2009" would not have done. So. Mission accomplished.

Wow. I suddenly sounds like some sort of wild-eyed, list making, Type-A personality who marches into each day with a to-do list and a growly face of determination. It's not true. Crap, I'm lazy as hell. See: The 2010 Project.

Let's revisit this shall we? Ten things I wanted to accomplish by the end of the year.

1. Submit something for publication
2. Learn 3 new things
3. Wear a bikini on the beach
4. Get a passport and use it
5. Sing karaoke
6. Make a new friend
7. Get a tattoo
8. Volunteer somewhere
9. Take a class
10. Read Time Magazine's Top 10 Novels

Right off the bat, I admit that I did not accomplish 1, 3, 4, 5, 8, and 9. As for learning three new things - I didn't learn three new skills BUT I learned to like sushi. And I learned that I look good as a brunette. And that single life can be kind of awesome. So, that's something right?

I did really try reading those books on the Time Top Ten list. Miracle of miracles I made it through Anna Karenina. But something about that book exhausted the life out of me and I couldn't even fathom the idea of picking up War and Peace. Look, I know these books are classics, and I was an English major so I should have an appreciation for these literary offerings... blah, blah, blah. You know what? I'm okay not reading and enjoying these books. They're not for me. They never have been. When I read something I want to get lost and transported to another world. Not BORED OUT OF MY FREAKING SKULL. Hey! Another lesson learned - I DON'T have to like the classics. Sorry Tolstoy.

Make a new friend and get a tattoo. These are things I did. Sure, two out of ten doesn't sound impressive. But you know what? I don't give a damn. I could have accomplished absolutely none of the things on that list and it still would have been a good year. Lazy? Yes. Happy? Yes. So? Win-Win. I sat on my ass and watched a lot of television but life is still good.

This doesn't mean though that I'm not going to make another list and set more goals and strive to BE and DO and LIVE more. I'm always going to want that. It's human nature. If we didn't desire and reach and dream nothing would ever get done. We'd all be dead of the plague or traveling by carriage or living under Nazi regime. Progress only happens when someone, somewhere sets an impossible goal. Sure. It might end in utter failure and misery and heartbreak (or an ice-cream binge on the couch in front of the flatscreen) but on the off-chance of success, it's 100% worth it.

So there you have it. 2010 in a nutshell. A big confusing nutshell of opposing ideas and fun and laughter and awesome people and memories. I don't know what life will be like in 2011. I hope to laugh some more. And make some new friends. And dream some new dreams. And continue to let myself change.

Maybe I should dye my hair RED.

And to end, ANOTHER LIST!

Top Five Songs of 2010

1. Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes
2. Humdrum Town - Theophilus London
3. Infinity Guitars - Sleigh Bells
4. Bitch Look At Me Now - Childish Gambino
5. Awake My Soul - Mumford & Sons

Peace out 2010!

Paths

The dreams of a seven year old are crystalline clear, simplistic and easy.
Growing and growing.
Within reach of chubby, sticky fingers that grab for all they desire.
Proclaiming with such strength, vivacious spirit, clear intensity, absolute truth

But time changes simplicity and the realm of dreams fades away
Further and further
Imagination, creativity, magic, innocence, fairy tale beliefs slip out of a weakening grasp
The world becomes too real, too boring, too close, too rationalized, too practical.

The years roll by and we are spectators to our lives, time moves faster and faster
On and on
Suddenly we are taller and older and somehow insignificantly less wise.
There are no easy answers and the future looms near

We are told to chose a path but there is no path, not one taken, not one less traveled
Searching and searching
Reaching only cloudy nothingness and continuing to walk blind
Desiring, yearning, wanting, wishing beyond all hope to go back

Back to innocence and dreams, creativity, magical wonder and wide eyed splendor
Dreaming and dreaming
To see what that little girl knew, look in her eyes and find it, find the answers, find out
That somehow in my heart of hearts, in my childlike memory, I’ve always known

Impossibilities of all impossibilities, there is no going back, no standing still, but…
Maybe just maybe
In this all too real, practical, rational, logical, suffocating world there is still time
To dream…