Dear 2009...

I will not miss you.

Not one single, tiny, itty, bitty bit.

If 2008 was a year for change for me then 2009 was a year for... lessons. Lessons learned.

They were hard lessons but I learned them nonetheless.

I've learned how awful it feels to have your worst paranoia's and fears come true. I've learned that hearts can be broken even when it's not an "in love" kind of love. I've learned that I can be angry enough at someone that just the thought of them makes me break out in hives. I've learned that there are always strings attached. I've learned that sometimes you have to purge something from your life before you realize how poisonous it really is and I've learned that it IS okay to be alone.

No, I will not miss this year, I will not miss the crapfest of emotions that I went through while learning these lessons.

But I do have to say this: Amidst the heartache and change and betrayal and endless worrying, there has been a silver lining, a more hopeful lesson, something I hope to hold on to as the real take away from this year. While certain people were dashing my beliefs and destroying my trust, a few others were showing me what true friendship really looks like.

It's frantic 2AM text messages and midnight rescue missions and showing up with trucks to pack and move an entire life in under four hours. It's providing a place of escape and a shoulder to cry on. It's trips to the beach and Disneyland and Barnes and Noble and The Cheesecake Factory. It's the sharing of dreams and fears. It's planning and hoping and dancing and snuggling. It's laughter, oh my God, so much laughter - belly aching, rolling on the floor, crying, kind of laughing.

I've been so lucky during this year to have friends who have come through in a big way for me, have shown me the kind of person, the kind of friend, the kind of woman I really want to be. So to the amazing people in my life, thank you. Thank you for restoring in me, a little bit of faith.

2009, you will not be missed. I'm onto bigger and better things. But I have a feeling, that when I look back I will remember 2009 as a defining year, a shaping year. Those heartaches and pains have only made me stronger and I step into this new year with all those lessons, strengthened friendships and a steady resolve.

Watch out.